Hope

Today, I was sitting on my porch writing down my journal, a habit I have developed over past few months. I was an adopted child by a single working woman. Last year she passed away after suffering a lot from brain tumor. Although, till then she made me enough self dependent. I even secured a good job as a senior content editor at a startup a few months before she passed away. She was a happy child of nature, always positive and smiling, and most of all she believed in working hard and productively. She even put those values in me. She was a truly independent lady, of modern beliefs. She never stopped me from pursuing my happiness, as she always said that “happiness is like a shooting star , a dying wish, a quick rainfall and like all those things which come in our lives in an instant and if we are careful enough and know how to grab the opportunity, and how to live in the moment of happiness , there’s nothing better in life than that.” She was the most dear one to me, perhaps the amount of time i had spent with her, and the extent to which she understood me, no one can ever replace her. So, last night I was missing her and for some reasons since she passed away, I couldn’t really get a good hold of myself, I could not see when happiness knocked my door, I was too much engrossed in the grief of losing her, that all the things that used to give me happiness, I shut them out. All of my colleagues, my friends, and relatives, It’s been almost a year that I really interacted with anyone outside my little circle, and my circle as for now consists of my maid, the watchman of my building , and my boss at work. Yes! Despite of my distant and grievous behaviour I haven’t let that effect my work, for I know if mom comes to know about me giving up on all the fruits i achieved by years of my hardwork and her support, she would feel bad. So I work. But for a few days now, this inability to cope up with my loss, this shutting out people, and this drowning into the sea of loneliness is pushing me to the edge. Even the work doesn’t seem interesting anymore, it’s like I’m losing myself, or maybe I have lost myself. But today, something unusual happened.

So I was sitting and a delivery guy came on a scooter and dropped a carton beautifully gift wrapped at my porch, but before I could stop him, he was gone. I was a bit scared to go near the parcel but then it moved. Yes! Itself. Or was i hallucinating, after a while of thinking I decided to check the name of sender. As i picked it up, I felt it was quite heavy. The gift wrap had little blue hearts all over it, but there was no name on it. Did the delivery guy made any mistake? I came back to where my diary and pen were lying, and sat down. Slowly and carefully I unwrapped the box , and as I opened it a big ball of fur attacked me! I fell on back , eyes squinted shut, until I felt a wet, lick on my cheek. What?! And I slowly opened my eyes, only to find that little fur ball had two round , shiny eyes, a little nose, a tail… Wait , it was a dog!!! Yes. I picked it up. It was the most cute dog I had ever seen, I petted his head and he wagged his tail as fast as he could. After playing with him for a while, i rested him in my lap and checked the box, it had a note, which read “This is a dog i found in the public park last week, unfortunately i can’t keep it, and he has no one. So if u can kindly pet him. And if not do submit it to some good shelter home Thank you.” Woah. So , another lonely being! But was i ready to let anyone in my life again, perhaps i should have sent it to shelter home only, but when i looked at him I couldn’t even think of sending him away. So i decided to pet him. Make him mine! And I named him “HOPE” for that’s what he brought to me.

So currently, hope is sleeping in the corner of my room, while here I am completing my today’s diary. But now I think , I won’t be needing to write too much of this. Hope’s presence has already started to give me good vibes, as if there’s someone who is mine. Who will take care of me. Who will make me happy. He is my happiness , hopefully the one which will last longer . So , from tomorrow I have decided to get over with the fact that mom has gone, and to accept that she’s always here. More than she ever was. Also, I will start getting back to my friends and colleagues, to whom I’ve been a jerk to lately.
Hence, a new chapter begins! Or a good one resumes.

Hope, just like a ray of sunshine can creep into any of the deep and dark caves, even the caves of heart.

–shethinker

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